


Maybe the real fics were the ones we didn't title along the way

by IceBreeze



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon doesn't go here anymore, Crack, M/M, Someone save Light please, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBreeze/pseuds/IceBreeze
Summary: ("Why are you handcuffed together still?" Matsuda asked. "Light has been cleared of being a suspect.""Because he may not be a murderer anymore but he's a thief," L said, who currently had a book in his hands and a sleeping Light's head on his lap."A thief?""He stole my heart.""...I don't think that's how it works.""I'm the genius and say it is, so it's the law.""That's really not how it works, L.""Matsuda-san, I will fire you."Matsuda, very wisely, left the room whilst he still could).L and Light's engagement meets an unfortunate bump in the road when Ryuk kills L. What Happens Next Will Shock You.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 14
Kudos: 71





	Maybe the real fics were the ones we didn't title along the way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astralpenguin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralpenguin/gifts).



> This is entirely crack and I wrote it in my partners dms in the space of like five-ten minutes and now i'm posting it so here you I guess.

Theirs is a lovestory that would go down in the ages; a local serial killer finds himself falling in love with the detective trying to catch him and the two find themselves more preoccupied in the social menstruation we call flirtation than actually doing the things they were meant to do. It reached the point that the task force had basically forgotten that Kira was a thing because they were all so caught up in the whirlwind that was Just Hold Hands Already And Spare Us All, For Fucks Sake.

("Why are you handcuffed together still?" Matsuda asked. "Light has been cleared of being a suspect."

"Because he may not be a murderer anymore but he's a thief," L said, who currently had a book in his hands and a sleeping Light's head on his lap.

"A thief?"

"He stole my heart."

"...I don't think that's how it works."

"I'm the genius and say it is, so it's the law."

"That's really not how it works, L."

"Matsuda-san, I will fire you."

Matsuda, very wisely, left the room whilst he still could).

Eventually, Misa of all people is the one to force them to communicate their feelings through the age old method of locking them in a room together and refusing to let them out until they talk it out.

"I love Light, I really do," she said, "And I'm glad that he's got someone who cares about him like this, but if I have to listen to Ryuusaki talk about Light's ankles for two hours again then I will scream."

The entire task force agrees- even Soichiro, who had been rushed to hospital with a heart attack the first time Light had told him of his choice in men. Ryuk doesn't really care either way, but it's entertaining and he likes entertainment, so really everybodies happy. They're even happier when L and Light finally surface from the room ten hours later, hand in hand and smiling brightly. 

"We're getting married," Light said. "Father, can I use your phone- I need to call mother."

"Yes you can use my phone, son," Soichiro said, "Congratulations."

"What is marriage?" Ryuk asked, and nobody answered him, because they were too busy celebrating. It was great news, after all, and Kira hadn't killed anyone for over a year, so it was like everything was perfect.

It was, in all senses of the world, a Happy Ever After.

Marriage, as Ryuk eventually found out, meant that people became very boring. Like sure, Light was still a cool person and did what he could to keep Ryuk entertained, but there were no grand plots anymore. There was no tension, no cases, nothing at all to spice the world up- there was just months of people scrambling around to taste cakes and view venues and try on clothing. It was so boring.

Ryuk hated being bored. He wanted something exciting to happen.

And if people weren't going to provide him with entertainment then he'd have to make it himself.

"He has a weird name," Ryuk said, as he wrote in the death note.

"Who does?" Light asked.

"Your fiance."

"Why are you writing my fiances name down in your death note, Ryuk?"

"No reason," Ryuk said, smiling like an innocent uwu baby as L proceeded to have a heart attack.

"This is so sad," Matsuda said, as Light cradled his dying fiance in his arms, "Alexa, play despacito."

Soichiro walked into the room to find Light sobbing over the dead body as Matsuda sang Despacito.

"Oh no," Soichiro said, "What happened."

"Ryuk killed him," Light sobbed, "Ryuk killed my horny frog man."

"It's alright, son!" Soichiro says, approaching. "I am actually God."

Soichiro touched L's forehead and L was revived! Only, something was different. Something changed, in his revival.

Something had changed very significantly.

Something inside him expanded- stretching his skin and adjusting his bones and his mouth grew and grew and grew into a horrible, gaping maw with white teeth and the kind of tongue that people see in their nightmares. His skin became yellow, the kind of bright yellow that you find inside a baby store that's been doused in piss. His beady, beady eyes were now farset apart, and he was bigger than Light. He was so very big.

By the Gods, he was big.

"Huh, that’s never happened before," Ryuk said, "What the fuck kind of name is Pacman, anyway.

"My love," Pacman said, "Now you have seen my true form."

Light did what anyone would do in this situation: he fainted. Pacman caught him, cradling him carefully in those grotesquely oversized hands of his, whilst Soichiro began to glow.

“I must return to the Heavens,” he said. “Take care of my dearest son for me.”

“I will, Godichiro,” Pacman said. “He will learn to love me in this form as much as he did in the other form.”

“Well,” Ryuk said, “I think that’s my cue to yeet,” and then he yeeted, leaving Light and Pacman alone with Matsuda still singing in the background. Only, he’d changed his song; now he was singing Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and dessert you whilst the music spontaneously started playing in the background despite having no apparatus on which to play it.

“No-one can hurt us now,” Pacman says, and then the screen fades into darkness despite the fact that there is no screen to speak of because this is a typed medium. The screen fades and with it, we are free from the horror inspired visage that is Pacman.

We are free, my dear reader, but for how long?

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is [@polyhymina.](http://polyhymina.tumblr.com/)
> 
> My twitter is[@littlemisswrit3.](https://twitter.com/littlemisswrit3)


End file.
